I was born and raised in the Philippines but I’ve been living in the Bay Area for about nine years. Since I was a little girl, I was always fascinated by horses. I wasn’t exactly sure what it was about them that mesmerized me, all I know is that the more I’m scared of something, the more I want to do it. My curiosity and fascination about horses turned into passion. I guess you can say it was in my blood all along.
In the Philippines, it was uncommon to have horse lessons or horse facilities that educated people about horses. I recall going to a park where you could rent horses and people will lead you to do multiple laps. Being young and naive, I wasn’t aware that proper attire is a must. I was just wearing sandals, shorts, a t-shirt not to mention I didn’t even know wearing a helmet was crucial. I told the worker to let go of the line and that I want to be in charge. By doing so, I made the horse trot. Back then I didn’t know it was called a “trot,” all I know is that as long as it’s not a walk speed, it’s good. I tried to do a 2 point position to copy the jockeys from the racing movies.
From then on, whenever I could, I would ask my mom to take me to the park. We’d go once in a blue moon, but I always looked forward to riding again. When we moved to America, I thought my dream would finally come true, but just like the saying goes, “it’s not always greener on the other side”. For years I tried to persuade my parents to let me take horse lessons but they argued that it’s too dangerous, expensive, and no one can drive me. I tried to make up solutions and plans just to make it work but I was always shut down.
My dad always preached that if I can’t find a way to make it work without involving others, there is no way it’s going to happen. I never gave up and kept bugging them for my ideas on how to make it work but it was always rejected by them. It was an unwinnable situation. Being a retired sergeant, my dad was strict when it came to teaching me how to drive. Three months of learning how to drive a stick shift with him felt like hell. I didn’t give up because I knew that if I wanted to accomplish my dream, I had to learn to be independent from them. I also started working at FedEx to save up money for college and riding lessons but doing a lesson once a week was still too expensive for me. I can drive, I work, I study hard, and make sure my chores are done that way so they can’t say anything against me, and once I felt ready again to ask them if they’ll allow me to ride, again they said, “No, it’s too dangerous.”
I got so frustrated that I told them I respect their decisions but I’m tired of wasting my life not doing the thing I love the most. I decided that no one could stop me from reaching my dreams this time. The next day, I went “barn hopping” to inquire and find a perfect match for what I was looking for. I had zero experience, but I was willing to learn and volunteer but unfortunately, no one was willing to take my offer.
Finally, I found Piedmont Stables. For about six months, I was just going up there everyday, greeting the staff and the horses. I was trying to advertise myself and making connections from scratch. After months of networking, I found a lady who was willing to let me lease her horse.
When I took my horse lesson for the first time, my trainer asked me what my goal was and I told her I want to learn equitation and jumping. After a year of leasing a horse, I realized that my goal has changed. I want to be the best equestrian version of myself. My goal is to learn and expand my knowledge of different disciplines such as western and English. I want to learn more about saddle fitting, conformation, training a green horse, liberty training, natural horsemanship, what it takes to be a good horse owner, what it takes to own a horse related business, and other horse related things. I want to continue my equestrian lifestyle for the rest of my life.
I was happy when I started taking lessons once a week, but I found it difficult to feel proud of myself because I can’t help but compare myself to other children who are younger and better than me. Deep inside I was ashamed that I started riding at the age of 18 and can’t help but ask myself “I wonder if I would be jumping by now if I started riding when I was 12?” I became hard on myself and grew to hate myself each day whenever I don’t see any progress because I was trying to make up for the time I wasted. Feeling insecure about myself and my riding is an ongoing challenge.
I’ve always wanted to have my own horse but I want to make sure I have all the knowledge I can get and also make sure that it is the right timing to do so. Being a good horsewoman and trainer is something that is a process and doesn’t have limitations. I started my learning process when I leased my first horse and ever since then I was eager to expand my knowledge and skills.
I currently attend college part-time for art and design and work at FedEx part-time. I’m still not fully decided on what I want to pursue as a career because I am torn between following the “Known” path as an art teacher where I have a secure job but I am not passionate about it versus the “Unknown” path where I pursue my passion for horses. I’m not sure where or how to start and make it into a successful career. Someday, I want to have my own ranch where I can use it to collaborate with a school and have students do volunteer work, or a group of students can make a riding club at their school. I just want to give BIPOC students an opportunity to start a career related to horses at a young age.
